Living with your loss

[witchylass1965]

Well it is just over a year since Bri died and I never ever thought I would see any colours in my day ever again once we knew that my wonderful, kind and loving partner was dying. I won't pretend it has been easy and I won't pretend that my days are now bright and breezy, but I WILL say that you CAN live after such a massive trauma and loss! What has kept me going is the knowledge that I did all that I could to make Bri's last months/days/hours comfortable and that I also ensured he had a "good death!" I still ache for him and wish he was here to share things with and I still tell him I love him EVERY SINGLE DAY. The pain of loss never diminishes; it just gets easier to bear.I still have days when I cry and cry and ask where is the fairness in life and yet, I now also get days when I DO feel genuinely happy. Allow yourself that happiness, don't feel guilty and cry cry cry if that is what you need to do.Talk about your loved one and think of them fondly and gradually, you too will start to see the colours in the day once again!
Know that all that you did for your loved one made their transition more bearable and peaceful for them and that you were able to give the most that you could.
In my job as a nurse, I have always found it to be the greatest honour to nurse someone to a peaceful death and to be able to do that for someone close to you is the greatest gift of love you could ever give to them.
During Bri's last days, I knew that I loved this man so much that I was willing to give him up to enable him to move on and have an end to his suffering.This is what has kept me going through the barren, lonely days and nights. I said "Goodbye" to Bri knowing that he was being set free from a life of pain and suffering and that is the ultimate sign of love-to love someone enough to set them free.
I send a message of love and light to all those who are looking after someone with cancer and to all those who have lost someone to cancer, but I send special love to all those who are suffering from cancer.

You're the reason behind my smile, you're the reason for my laughter, and also the reason for my happiness...because you've showed me what love is but I never thought you would also be the reason for my tears and for experiencing the greatest pain that could ever happen me...


Laurie